Get It Together Fatty!

October 15, 2012

By Ken "Skip" Hill This rant shouldn’t irritate too many people given that the average reader of my column works out quite a bit and typically watches what they eat. In this installment I will be providing a service to all of you that have a fat wife or husband or even a fat girlfriend or boyfriend at home. There are too many people out there that take care of themselves by working out and eating right, only to have a spouse that just doesn’t seem to give a shit. I am here for you. You don’t have to get in trouble with fatty for telling them they are fat, you can just read my article to them and they can get mad at me instead. Am I the only one that thinks it’s odd that fat people get mad at you for telling them they are fat? I am not talking about just going up to some random guy on the street and berating him for being fat. I am talking about telling your girlfriend or your husband that they could stand to lose a few pounds. Think about this for a minute: fatty gets to walk around with you who is in shape and looks good and yet you’re stuck walking around with someone that is fat and doesn’t want to take care of themselves. Yet, THEY get mad at YOU for telling them they need to slim down! How is that a fair arrangement? I have actually witnessed a man getting bitched out by his girlfriend because he was following her up some stairs at a sporting event and noticed her fat butt-crack was hanging out of her Miss Me jeans. Obviously embarrassed, he pulled her pants up for her. I wanted to clap but I thought she might turn on me too. The poor guy just didn’t want everyone watching his “big girl” while her ass was falling out of her pants. Yet, he was wrong?! If it matters (and it should) “big girl” had nachos in one hand and a beer in the other. Note to big girls: You aren’t a size 6 just because you can zip them up – just sayin’! Of course big boys aren’t exempt either. Yeah, it might be more socially acceptable to be a fat guy than a fat girl but the truth is, it shouldn’t matter. If your wife works out and takes care of herself and looks good because of it, you owe it to her to take your fat, man-boobed ass to the gym and get to work too. And just in case you forgot, do keep in mind that if she looks good and takes care of herself she just might start looking at the guys at the gym that are taking care of themselves in order to get some attention from them. You’re not there anyways so how will you ever know? Another unfair situation that I see a lot is when one person in a relationship gets fat despite having been in great shape when they were dating. Fair? I think not. If you were working out and taking care of yourself when you met, don’t go making lame excuses about how your life is so stressful and you don’t have time for the gym. You clearly had time when you were reeling him/her in, so don’t think you can get away without doing anything now that you’ve got her. However, if you insist on remaining fat and basically not giving a shit that your spouse isn’t attracted to you anymore, at least do these few things to lessen the blow:

Wear clothes that fit

If your fat ass is falling out of your jeans, get jeans where that ass doesn’t fall out. This goes for shirts as well. If your fat muffin top is visible, spare everyone the dry heave and put it away. When you put your clothes on, test them by lifting your hands over your head. If the shirt comes up and fat is hanging out, change it. After you cram 10 pounds of potatoes into a five-pound bag, bend over like you are sitting down in a seat and if your fat ass comes out, at all, change the jeans, please.

Take care of yourself in other ways

Make up for your fatness by making yourself look good with nice clothes that fit, well-kept hair and nails and just showing that you do care by taking pride in your appearance. When you’re fat and your hair is ratty and pulled up and your nails are broke, no one is going to want to hit that and, again, your man deserves better!

Have a personality

A big girl or big guy that laughs and smiles a lot and carries him/herself well is still attractive to a lot of people. I wouldn’t turn down a big girl with a great personality (you know, if I wasn’t married, of course. *cough* call me *cough*). The worst combination is someone that is overweight, doesn’t outwardly have much of a personality, doesn’t seem to take enough time to want to look good and can’t wear clothes that fit. If you are reading this and this is you, what did your spouse do to deserve THAT?! To all the big girls and guys out there: Why do you get mad that your spouse doesn’t want you to be fat? Should they just accept it because that is how you are and you don’t need to change? Is it none of their business because you don’t think it should matter? Well it does matter. People who are in shape don’t want to be with people who aren’t.  Get over it because if you don’t, there could come a time when you find yourself single and then what are you going to do? That’s right, you're going to get in shape, take care of yourself and work on your personality again. Why? Because you will need to get out there, do it all over again, land a mate and there is no way you are going to do that as a fatty. I know it, you know it, we all know it. Moreover, the fact that you’d be getting in shape if you were single yet you’re unwilling to do it for the person you’re currently with says a lot about how much you care about your relationship. Just Sayin’ Skip Ken “Skip” Hill has spent 30 years in the trenches of bodybuilding. He owns TEAM SKIP Nutritional Consulting, where he specializes in conditioning for bodybuilders and high-level athletes. You can reach Skip through his website, and follow him on Twitter (@IntenseMuscle).